Tears and a Headache
Do you ever have a moment of truth when the world comes crashing down on you and time speeds up and you realize that you are really just helpless? This week that’s what had happened to me. I’m leaving the place where I went to middle and most of high school, I’m losing many of my friends to adulthood, middle college, and even to other people. I’m leaving the house where I discovered My Chemical Romance and spent hours painting the walls. I’m leaving the place I learned to march, where I learned to play percussion.
I just came home from my band banquet and I realized I’m leaving a lot of things that I never thought I’d miss. I’m so pessimistic. I never stop complaining about my no-good friends, my stressful classes, and how tiresome my extracurricular activities are. Most people would make a deal with the devil to start over. But the truth is I’d probably sell my soul to stay. I’m hopeful for the future, but I’m actually deathly afraid that I’ll end up the same position I am now. It would be confirmation that everyone really is better than me, it would prove that it’s not where I am now or the friends I’ve chosen to stay with that make my life as difficult as it is. It would prove to me that I’m the one that’s the failure.
There’s nothing I can do to change this. My situation is set in stone, and while I’m terrified, I also know this is my one chance. I’d love to think the people in my past love me and would hold onto me- especially because I’m only switching schools and moving less than an hour away- but I know that I’ve got to fix myself before August or deal with another miserable year. It’s funny because right now the lines “maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year” kind of represent what I’m going for in this statement.
I’m going to do the only thing I think I can do. I’m going to try to go to as many shows as possible, listen to as many records as possible, and write about them. At the same time, I also am endeavoring in learning every instrument I can get my hands on as well as writing songs and stories. I’ll try to keep this blog as professional as possible, but every once in a while I’ll make sure to remind myself through this website to keep my head up and keep running.
This is not music related in the slightest, but I think I have a few songs that represent the way I’m feeling right now. I hope you listen to them and can relate to them yourself. Oh, recommendations are always welcome ❤
I love you all, especially those of you reading this and taking it to heart.